1、种草不让人去躺，不如改种仙人掌！
Grass people not to lie, as Gaizhong cactus!
2、其实大家交白卷都是年级第一，为什么非要自相残杀呢。
In fact we are handing the first grade, why kill it.
3、不看你终身遗憾，看你遗憾终身。
Do not look at your lifetime regret, to see you regret for life.
4、我的婚礼上会有你穿着婚纱走过红地毯。
I'll have you walking through the red carpet at my wedding.
5、痒吗？痒就对了，伤口在长肉时，神经末梢也在长。
Itch? Itch is right, the wound in the long meat, nerve endings are also in the long.
6、你说你是我朋友，其实我知道，动物的确是人类的朋友。
You say you are my friend, in fact, I know that animals are human beings.
7、夜无寐，只想寻欢打炮，人无踪，一只野狗干活。
Night without sleep, because people just want to shelling, without a trace, a wild dog.
8、今夜，让我们用冷战取暖！
Tonight, let us use the cold war heating!
9、脸红的时候最值钱。
Mao's face when the most valuable.
10、人家是全城热恋我们是全城停电。
People are in love we are the city power outage.
11、人生最大的缺憾就是不能吻自己的脸。
The biggest regret in life is not to kiss your face.
12、真正的装逼，敢于直面本身没有厚度的脸皮。
Real drunby, dare to faceitselfhas no thickness.
13、冬天来了，我不小心把棉被洗了。
Winter is coming, I do not care to wash the quilt.
14、你出生后是不是被扔上去次，但只被接住次？
You were born after being thrown up, but only to be caught?
15、现在的大学生太没素质了！过来拷毛片，居然用剪切！
Now the college students are too bad quality! Come copy feather, actually by shear!
16、有钱的时候喷香水，没钱的时候抹花露水。
When the perfume of money, no money to wipe toilet water.
17、爱一个人是什么感觉？就是说了晚安还想说晚安。
Love a person is what feeling? That is to say good night and want to say good night.
18、大便的离去，是马桶的追求，还是的不挽留。
The departure of the stool, is the pursuit of the toilet, or not to retain the buttocks.
19、你不要再减肥了你长得丑不只是因为你胖。
You don't want to lose weight you grow ugly not just because you are fat.
20、你说要去看左耳，我找遍了整个医院你却在电影院。
You said you were going to see the left ear, I looked all over the hospital and you were in the cinema.
21、婚姻就像在餐馆点菜，一旦菜上来，是不给退的。
Marriage is like ordering food in a restaurant. Once the food is up, it's not to give back.
22、那个谁，回去撒包尿漱漱口再来吧！
The guy who, back and piss gargle again!
23、你那些恶作剧我是故意中招的，因为想看见你的笑颜。
Your practical joke I was deliberately misled, because I want to see your smile.
24、像一条疯狗，咬过跪太低头过，所以庆幸。
Like a mad dog bite too, kneeling down, so glad.
25、暗恋一个人太痛苦了，所以我暗恋了好几个。
To love a person is too painful, so I have a good love.
26、鸭子本来不会飞，但是煮熟了就会飞了。
The duck would not fly, but it would fly.
27、心脏变成一座荒岛，无人收买，也就不再出售。
The heart becomes a desert island, no one buys, it will not be sold.
28、姐妹们说，明儿算命去，算算那些贱人的命。
The sisters said, tomorrow to count the fortune teller, Bitch.
29、遇见了你，我才知道恐龙其实是可以再次出现的。
I met you, I know that dinosaurs can be in fact once again.
30、只要瘦，什么都百搭，要是胖，什么都白搭。
As long as the thin, what are all-match, if fat, what is of no use.
31、最近猪肉又涨价了，你这身价应该也涨了。
Recently, pork prices have gone up, you should have gone up.
32、中指是现代社会不能少的手语之一。
Middle finger is one of the sign language of modern society.
33、姐不是客服人员，你没权要求姐答这答那。
Elder sister is not a customer service staff, you have no right to ask the elder sister answer that.
34、原来快乐大本营，走了谢娜只剩大本营了。
Original happy base camp, leaving only the headquarters of Sheenah.
35、你那么讨人喜欢叫我怎么不爱你。
You are so pleasant that I don't love you.
36、谁说豆腐拍不死人，下次换冻豆腐试试。
Who said the bean curd beat the dead, the next time to try to change the frozen tofu.
37、我一直在承受这个年纪不该有的帅气和机智，我好累。
I have been under this age should not have a handsome and witty, I am very tired.
38、每个成功的男人背后，都会有一个吃饱了没事做的女人。
Behind every successful man, there is a woman full of nothing to do.
39、不管泥再烂，只要翻到墙上，总能粘出点摸样。
No matter the mud, as long as the wall, always stick out of the point of touch.
40、我一直没有理解傻逼的意思，直到遇见你。
I have not understood the meaning of idiot, until I met you.
41、你说吧，你是想死还是不想活了。
You say you want to die or did not want to live.
42、你快回来，我一人忽悠不来！
You come back, I'm not a flicker!
43、绑不住我的心就不好说我花心！
Can't hold my heart can't say I heart!
44、猛的一看你不怎么样，仔细一看还不如猛的一看。
A fierce look at you not how, carefully look not as fierce as a look.
45、一时兴起，拿你的照片做桌面，TMD居然中了电脑病毒。
For a moment, take your photos to do the desktop, TMD actually in the computer virus.
46、就算全世界离开你，还有一个我来陪。
Even if the whole world to leave you, there is one I come to accompany.
47、上课的时候不省人事，下课铃一响精神百倍！
When the class become unconscious, when the bell rang full of energy!
48、姑娘没白马了，去抢头驴吧。
The girl didn't have a white horse, so she grabbed her head.
49、因为你有双下巴，所以遇到任何困难都不能低头。
Because you have a double chin, so you can not bow to any difficulties.
50、别对我太好，免得我以身相许你又不要。
Don't be too good for me, lest I yishenxiangxu you don't.
51、我没有这种天分，包容你也接受她。
I don't have the talent, you can accept her.
52、用洗面奶洗了把脸，发现自己的象素变高了。
Wash the face with facial cleanser, found that their pixels become higher.
53、总之一句话，要成功先发疯，头脑简单向前冲！
In a word, if you want to go crazy, the mind will simply move forward!
54、我把你当朋友，你把我当傻子，姐也不是好惹的。
I put you as a friend, you put me as a fool, sister is not a good.
55、我堵上所有时光只爱你一个人。
I'm blocking all the time only love you a person.
56、像我这么帅的，一旷课就会被发现。
Like me so handsome, a school will be found.
57、我哭着来到这个世界上，就打算哭着回去！
I cried and came to this world, is going to cry to go back!
58、所谓放假，家里遭嫌，出门没钱，每天特闲。
The so-called holiday, the family was suspected, go out no money, every day special leisure.
59、好久没有人把牛皮吹的这么清新脱俗了！
For a long time no one to hide such a fresh wind of the refined!
60、青春就像蒲公英，看似自由，却身不由己。
Youth is like a dandelion, seemingly free, but involuntarily.
61、少女诚可贵，少妇价更高，若有富婆在，二者皆可抛。
The girl is Pcious, our price is higher, if there is rich in two can throw.
62、全校停水俩天，第二天我发现班里好多女生我都不认识了。
The water for two days, second days, I found a lot of girls in the class I do not know.
63、谁说女追男隔层纱啊？隔你妹！明明隔了个大西洋！
Who said the female pursues the man? Your sister! Clearly separated from the Atlantic!
64、我低下了头，并不是认输，而是我在找钱。
I looked down, and not defeat, but I'm looking for money.
65、佩服从来不找我聊天的人，我这么好玩竟然都不找我说话。
Admire the people who never talk to me, I am so fun to talk to me.
66、?们的故事、始终都是那么?唯美。
Our story is always so beautiful.
67、货有过期时，人有看腻时，你在爹眼里还能牛逼几时。
Goods have expired, people have to look tired, you can force when the father in the eyes of cattle.
68、喜欢的东西好像都难以留住，比如钱。
Like things seem to be difficult to retain, such as money.
69、我悄悄的来，悄悄的走，挥一挥匕首，不留一个活口。
I quietly, quietly, waved a dagger, leaving no one alive.
70、考试的时候，两边的同学都不会，真让我左右为难。
When the examination, on both sides of the students are not really let me in a dilemma.
71、世界上的脑残这么多，可是你却成了其中的佼佼者。
The world idiotic so much, but you have become one of the best.
72、有奶不一定是娘有钱就一定是爷。
Milk is not necessarily a mother's money must be the lord.
73、犯贱是普遍真理，你我只是其中之一。
Finance is a universal truth, you are my only one.
74、从小到大，唯一不变的就是一颗不想念书的心。
From small to large, the only constant is a do not miss the heart of the book.
75、常言道，冰冻三尺，非微波炉不能解冻！
As the saying goes, Rome was not built, the microwave oven can be thawed!
76、哥混到现在，能拿得起又放得下的也就只有筷子了。
Brother mixed up to now, can get up and put down the only chopsticks.
77、是老师说不能乱扔垃圾，不然俄早把你扔出去了。
The teacher said not to throw rubbish, or I would throw you out.
78、格式化自己，就是为了删除你！
Format yourself, just to delete you!
79、听到你对我说的话，我就会得意一整天。
I'll be proud to hear what you said to me.
80、我对你眨眨眼，你硬说那是放电。
I told you that it was you blink, discharge.
